Darcy Luoma Coaching and Consulting

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We Never Had To Talk About This Before

I watched “Meet the Press” last weekend, and in one segment they interviewed average Americans about the first presidential debate. One man’s thoughts, “We don’t know how to have a conversation anymore.”

I don’t disagree. There are lots of reasons for this in 2020. Let’s look at a few…

  1. There is polarization. Opinions are strong. Leaders talk over each other. There’s not a lot of listening going on. The desire to be understood is stronger than the desire to understand others or find a resolution. (I admit I’m guilty of this on certain social issues when I disagree with every fiber of my being.) 
  2. This is all new. People are dealing with circumstances they’ve never experienced before. A coaching client recently said work-life balance doesn’t exist anymore—everything’s just blurred together. Another client said they never imagined needing more contact with co-workers because they’re feeling so isolated at home. 
  3. Uncertainty creates fear. Nobody knows when the pandemic will end, the economy will improve, or the outcome of the election. When people operate from a place of fear or anxiety, fuses can be short. Conversations between even the closest colleagues can be strained. And combining fear or anxiety with relationships that are already low on trust? Well, that’s where things can go downhill exponentially fast.

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I See What You Are Doing There

There are so many things I love about my colleague, Jill. 

But one of them is the fact that she gets me. For instance, Jill knows that I like it when my work is recognized. If I’m working hard, I like it when someone else notices it. And without fail, Jill notices. Always. She notices when I go the extra mile. She notices when I work through something challenging. And she recognizes me for a job well done (and I know it’s sincere because she also gives me critical, tough, valuable feedback when I didn’t do so well). 

The impact of this is that I love working with her, and I look forward to our conversations. Her recognition motivates me to want to keep doing good and working hard. And I’m not alone. 

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Difficult Conversations Don’t Need to be so Difficult

balance your courage compassion and curiosity shoes walking on stick jeans shoes green grass

Have you ever been part of a conversation where everyone is talking, but it doesn’t feel like anyone is listening?

There’s a reason that there are thousands of books, articles, and podcasts on communication. It’s a universal people problem, and it’s one we see all the time when we’re working with teams.

Communication skills are something that you need regardless of what industry you work in. Even if you work in a cube on a computer all day and never have to talk to clients or customers, you still have to communicate with your colleagues, or at the very least your boss.

In order to be successful, you have to find the BALANCE of three C’s to communicate effectively: courage, compassion, and curiosity. You need all three in order to have a conversation that balances what you want or needs with what the other person wants or needs. If you’re missing any of these three… well that’s when conversations get difficult.

Let’s take a closer look at all three C’s.

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How Strong Is Your Core?

I’ve been a coach for almost twenty years and have thousands of hours coaching leaders and teams in 48 different industries for hundreds of organizations.

I started noticing that there are some common problems that get in the way of – and sometimes prevent – leaders and teams from focusing on their work and accomplishing the mission of their organization. Regardless of industry, every team had people problems.  

So after extensive research, I developed my leadership model, Thoughtfully Fit, to help clear the hurdles caused by those people problems.

When you’re physically fit, all movements are easier. Whether it’s going for a walk or putting your own suitcase in the overhead bin. When you’re physically fit, you’re less likely to get injured, and you’re more prepared to take on any physical challenge that might pop up in your day. 

In the same way, being Thoughtfully Fit makes life easier, and you’re less likely to do things that you might regret later on. You handle your people problems thoughtfully, so you can get back to doing what you do best. 

What is key to being Thoughtfully Fit? You have to engage your core.

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Your Perspective is Not the Only Perspective

By Nancy Turngren 

I recently flew on an airplane. Normally, that’s no big deal. But in the year 2020 things are different! 

This photo is me on the E Concourse at O’Hare International Airport – one of the busiest in the world. I’ve flown one other time during the pandemic and purposely avoided O’Hare because I assumed it’d be too crowded for my comfort level. Suffice to say, my assumption wasn’t close to accurate.

We often walk into situations where we assume what is going to happen. We have an idea in our mind of how things are supposed to be. Due to COVID-19, we are seeing things from a new perspective, and our assumptions are often wrong. We don’t personally have past experience of a pandemic, so we can’t use our experiences to base our thoughts and/or behaviors. 

But perspectives and assumptions aren’t just present in global pandemics.

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