Have you checked the balance of your emotional bank account recently? This powerful metaphor represents the trust and goodwill in our relationships — both at work and in life. Like a financial bank account, it requires regular deposits to thrive and withdrawals can quickly drain it.
Here is a real-life story I experienced that lays out the checks and balances of this bank account to help you get in the mindset:
It’s a rainy, gray Tuesday morning. I’m downtown observing a weekly meeting at a marketing agency where I’m coaching their leadership team.
“So do you think you can get me the logo design for the client by the end of the week?” asks Emma. As the account manager in charge of the project, she’s feeling anxious to finish the meeting and get on with her tasks for the day.
Sara, the graphic designer, averts Emma’s eyes, unsure of what to say.
“Sure,” she mumbles, half-heartedly. “But what’s the point if you’re just going to redo it anyway?”
This is a good example of what can happen when trust breaks down on a team. Emma is well-intentioned but doesn’t trust Sara to create a logo that’s up to the client’s standards, so she usually changes the logos Sara designs. Sara feels like Emma doesn’t trust her and thinks her contribution doesn’t matter, but she doesn’t feel comfortable enough to tell her.
A team dynamic like this can persist for some time, but eventually relationships break down in the absence of trust. This is the first dysfunction of a team identified by Patrick Lencioni in his book “The Five Dysfunctions of a Team.”
The Emotional Bank Account
When we coach teams, we often explore the concept of an emotional bank account to explain why trust matters so much to maintaining healthy dynamics in their team.
The term “emotional bank account” was first coined (pun intended!) by Stephen Covey in “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” as a metaphor for investments made in relationships that build the amount of trust over time, similar to how deposits build your financial bank account over time. It can be applied to all types of relationships, but for the purposes of this article we’ll be applying it to the workplace.
Every relationship has a “balance.” You can have a positive balance, which means you’ve built up a lot of trust, and the relationship feels solid. You can have a neutral balance, which either means the relationship is new or that you neither trust nor distrust each other. Or you can be in the red, which means breaches of trust have happened, and there’s probably tension between you.
To be clear, this isn’t about coming up with an arbitrary number. To return to our earlier example, Emma couldn’t tell Sara: “You have a balance of -$752.92!” The emotional bank account is more useful on a conceptual level as a way of illustrating the amount of trust in a relationship from moment to moment.
Account Deposits and Withdrawals
Taking the metaphor one step further, we can choose to either deposit into or withdraw from our bank accounts at any given time. Deposits might include things like saying thank you for a job well done, taking responsibility for mistakes, or finishing projects on time. Conversely, actions like missing deadlines, interrupting, or multitasking while speaking are all examples of withdrawals.
Deposits and withdrawals can vary significantly in magnitude. For example, finishing a huge project to a high standard will likely count for more than one brief “thank you” at the end of a meeting. Sometimes people perceive different deposits and withdrawals in different ways as well. For example, I value punctuality and collaboration particularly highly, so those traits go further in building trust with me than they may with other people.
If deposits build your emotional bank balance and withdrawals take from it, you might think it’s advisable to engage in as many deposit actions as possible. This is true because you’ll build trust over time. However, if you’re human, you’ll inevitably make a few withdrawals in the relationship trust aspect – when you say the wrong thing to a colleague or miss a client deadline. But when you’ve already worked to build the bank account, that withdrawal doesn’t put you in the red or have as much of an impact as when you’re at a negative balance. (Think about who you cut a little more slack when they mess up. Chances are it’s the person you have a higher trust with.)
Core Workout
Ready to build trust and strengthen your team’s relationships? It’s not something you can do overnight, but it is possible over time with deliberate practice. You can start today with the following core workout. One-minute-workout:
- Pause: Reflect on an important relationship.
- Think: Consider what the current balance is in the emotional bank account. What type of depsit could be made?
- Act: Take an action that increases trust and builds the emotional bank balance!
And remember: trust begets trust. So, the more you deposit into your emotional bank accounts, the more likely your colleagues will do the same. Maybe consider it compound interest!
Build even more trust by becoming a resilient leader. Our Ultimate Guide To Building Resilient Leaders walks you and your organization through effective leadership and development strategies.
Emotional Bank Account FAQs
- What is an Emotional Bank Account?
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- An Emotional Bank Account is a metaphor introduced by Stephen Covey that represents the trust built up in a relationship. Positive actions serve as deposits, while negative actions are withdrawals.
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- How can I make deposits into my Emotional Bank Account with colleagues?
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- Deposits can include expressing gratitude, actively listening, keeping commitments, and showing respect and understanding in interactions.
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- What actions are considered withdrawals from the Emotional Bank Account?
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- Withdrawals occur through behaviors such as breaking promises, showing disrespect, failing to communicate, and neglecting others’ needs or contributions.
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- Why is maintaining a positive Emotional Bank Account balance important in the workplace?
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- A positive balance fosters trust, enhances collaboration, and contributes to a healthy work environment, leading to increased productivity and job satisfaction.
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- Can the Emotional Bank Account concept be applied outside of work?
- Yes, it applies to all relationships, including personal ones, as it emphasizes building trust and positive interactions.
