Tensions at the family dinner table were high.
“I can’t quit my job!” Maria said to her eleven-year-old son, who had suggested the idea.
As her leadership coach, I met with Maria regularly so I knew she was feeling frustrated about her job. She felt overworked, underappreciated, and overwhelmed. Her boss disregarded her opinions on projects. And random assignments seemed to find their way into her hands. Which often meant late nights, scrambling to get them done.
She felt unhappy, but what could she do? What choice did she have?
Eventually, her frustration grew until her evening glass of wine (okay, two glasses) wasn’t taking the edge off anymore. Venting to her family at the dinner table (yet again), her son asked the simple question: “If you don’t like your job mom, why don’t you quit?” That was more than she could chew.
Yes, You CAN Quit
Maria shared this story in our following session—along with her mix of anger, both at herself and her job…and well, her son. How could he even suggest that I quit? We have bills to pay. I need health insurance for our family.
But the more we explored it, the more she realized he was right. Quitting was a choice. It was just a scary one she wasn’t ready to face.
Maria took a deep breath.
There would be consequences and challenges that would come with quitting her job. But there are consequences and challenges that come with staying, too.
While quitting may or may not be the thoughtful choice for her, her perspective shifted when she realized it was something she could do. It was within her control—amongst a number of other choices. And seeing quitting as off-the-table previously, she had built up a healthy dose of resentment.
You Control More Than You Think
Maria’s experience is no different from what many of us have experienced. At some point or another, we’ve all gone through the motions of job dissatisfaction. Maybe even thought of quitting for a number of reasons…
- Feeling under-appreciated or under-compensated for our work
- Working a grueling schedule that’s made us miss one too many of our kid’s basketball games
- Or simply feeling unfulfilled
The reality is you can’t always control your workload or schedule. And you definitely can’t control a difficult boss, annoying co-worker, or demanding board of directors.
However, you do control to what degree you bring the frustration of work home with you (or from your home office to your kitchen).
You control how much of your day you spend focused on your work—or on gossiping co-workers, changing policies, or shifting priorities—over which you have no control.
You control how much you vent about your frustrations to anyone who will listen.
And you control if you quit.
That’s a lot of control. Are you willing to accept it?
In Maria’s case, accepting control meant shifting her focus from her frustrating boss and co-workers to herself. It was a lot easier to complain about them than to consider what she could do.
Eventually, she recognized that she could quit. That was in her control. But she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to look for a new job. And she really did like the organization she worked for. Once she decided to stay (instead of feeling like there were no other options), she continued to practice focusing on what she could control.
Does this mean she never complained about her job again? Of course not. But she did reduce the amount of venting she did at the dinner table (one more thing in her control)—and that improved her family dynamics and reduced her stress.
One-Minute Core Workout
One-Minute Core Workout- Pause. The next time the thought of quitting crosses your mind, take a moment and acknowledge what you are experiencing.
- Think. Ask yourself, What can I control at this moment? How can I shift to focus on what’s in my control?
- Act. Do what you need to do to stay focused on what you can control.
You always have control over what you say and do. It’s not always easy, but when you focus more on what you control and less on what you can’t, you’ll see things start to shift. I guarantee it.
Now, pass the dessert please!
