Earlier this summer, I finished my first triathlon of the season and immediately started thinking about everything I could have done better. After 28 years of racing, you’d think I know better.
For much of this spring, I wasn’t even sure I would make it to the starting line. Between a surgery last fall, a series of health setbacks this winter, and a substantial knee injury this spring, my training looked nothing like I had planned. Instead of building endurance and speed, I spent more time in physical therapy than on my bike.
By race day, I knew I wasn’t as prepared as I wanted to be. And in case you’ve ever wondered, completing a triathlon when you’re undertrained is every bit as difficult as it sounds.
As the race unfolded, I found myself doing something that many high achievers know all too well. I wasn’t thinking about everything it had taken just to get there. I was comparing my performance to what I believed I should have been capable of.
When I crossed the finish line, I placed seventh in my age group. Instead of feeling proud, I felt disappointed. Little Miss Perfect Pants was having a field day.
It wasn’t until my coach reminded me that just a few months earlier I wasn’t even sure I would be racing that my perspective began to shift.
Measuring Success Isn’t as Simple as We Think
Most of us assume measuring success is straightforward. We set a goal, work toward it, and compare the outcome to what we expected.
The challenge is that we rarely stop to examine the benchmark we’re using.
Without realizing it, we often compare ourselves to a version of ourselves that existed under completely different circumstances. We compare today’s performance to a season when we had more time, more energy, fewer responsibilities, better health, or simply different priorities.
In my case, I wasn’t comparing myself to the athlete who had spent the last seven months navigating setbacks. I was comparing myself to the athlete I expected to be if none of those setbacks had happened.
I was carrying an outdated benchmark into a new season. I wasn’t measuring myself against the race I was actually running. I was measuring myself against a race that only existed if the previous seven months had gone according to plan.
High Achievers Often Choose the Wrong Benchmark
I’ve noticed this doesn’t just happen in sports. Can you relate to any of the following?
- A leader steps into a larger role and expects to perform with the same confidence they had before their responsibilities doubled.
- A team spends months navigating change and wonders why productivity isn’t where it used to be.
- Someone returns from parental leave or a health challenge and becomes frustrated that they don’t immediately feel like their “old self.”
High achievers are especially susceptible to this because we’re constantly looking for ways to improve. That drive serves us well. It pushes us to strive and keep raising the bar.
But the downside is that we can become so focused on where we think we should be that we lose sight of how far we’ve actually come.
When that happens, success becomes almost impossible to recognize because the finish line keeps moving.
I don’t think most high achievers intentionally set impossible standards. In fact, I think the opposite is true. We set ambitious goals because we care deeply about doing great work. The problem is that we often define success under perfect conditions. Then life happens in the form of an injury, a reorganization, or a new role. We adjust our plans, but we forget to adjust the benchmark we use to evaluate ourselves. That’s when even meaningful progress starts to feel like falling short.
Choosing the Right Finish Line
Let me be clear. This isn’t about lowering expectations. It’s not about deciding that effort matters more than results or convincing yourself that every outcome deserves a participation trophy. Performance still matters. But before you begin evaluating your results, make sure you’ve chosen the right finish line.
High achievers often pride themselves on having high standards. So do I. That’s why this matters.
However, if your standard is simply “the best I’ve ever performed,” or “better than anyone else has ever done,” you’re not actually setting a goal. You’re setting a moving target. Sometimes your best is possible. But sometimes the circumstances make that version of your best impossible before the race even begins.
The discipline isn’t pretending those circumstances don’t exist or that you can overcome every possible obstacle, no matter what. The discipline is deciding what excellence looks like in the current conditions and then holding yourself accountable to it.
Think about any race you’ve ever participated in or watched. No one looks at the temperature on race day or how steep the hills are on the course and says the athletes should ignore them. They’re simply part of the race. Yet at work and in life, we often expect ourselves to perform as though the external conditions don’t exist at all.
And yes. The best time to do this is at the start line. Not when you’re disappointed at that impossible finish line.
The challenge is that we rarely announce to ourselves, “I’m about to hold myself to an impossible standard.” It happens much more subtly. Watch for these signs:
- You’ve removed all context from the equation. Your standard assumes perfect health, unlimited time, full staffing, ideal conditions, and zero unexpected setbacks.
- Your definition of success only has one acceptable outcome. Anything short of “the best I’ve ever done” feels like failure.
- The goal requires everything to go perfectly. One setback, one delay, or one bad day means you’ve already “failed.”
- You’re measuring against an ideal instead of a plan. Your benchmark is based on who you wish you were today, not who you actually are and the conditions you’re working within.
- You can’t articulate what success looks like before you begin. You only know it after the fact, and somehow it’s always a little farther away than where you landed.
- Your standard is based on outcome alone. There’s no consideration for the quality of your decisions, the obstacles you navigated, or the growth you achieved along the way.
If any of these resonated with you, it may be time to redefine your benchmark before you begin.
Define Success Before You Need It
Before you start a new project or commit to an ambitious goal, Pause and Think:
- What conditions am I actually working within—not the ones I wish I had?
- Given those conditions, what would excellence honestly look like?
- What benchmark will I use to evaluate whether I’ve been successful?
Those questions don’t lower the bar. They clarify it. And once you’ve defined that standard, hold yourself to it. Just make sure you’re evaluating yourself against the race you actually signed up to run.
Keep Training for the Next Race
One reason my coach’s perspective resonated with me after the race was that it didn’t dismiss my desire to improve. She simply reminded me that, given the condition my body was in that day, it was an excellent race. The next race will bring different circumstances and different potential. That’s exactly the point.
I still want to get faster, and I still have goals for the rest of the season. I’ll continue training and hopefully see better results over the next several races. Recognizing this race as a success doesn’t mean I’ve stopped striving for more. It simply means I’ve chosen to evaluate it against the right finish line.
When I stand at the starting line of my next race, I won’t expect less of myself. If anything, I’ll expect more. But I’ll also take a moment to ask a different question: “What does success look like for this race?” Not last season’s race. Not an imaginary season without setbacks. This one.
Measuring success can’t begin at the finish line. It begins at the starting line, when you decide what race you’re really running.
Frequently Asked Questions About Measuring Success
How do you measure success without lowering your standards?
Measuring success isn’t about expecting less from yourself. It’s about defining success based on the reality of the challenge you’re facing before you begin. High standards and realistic benchmarks can exist at the same time. The key is to make sure you’re evaluating yourself against the race you’re actually running, not an imaginary one.
Why do high achievers struggle to recognize success?
High achievers often compare their current performance to an ideal version of themselves rather than their current circumstances. As responsibilities, roles, and life situations change, those expectations don’t always change with them. The result is that meaningful progress can feel like failure, even when significant growth has occurred.
How do you know if you’re measuring yourself against the wrong benchmark?
You may be using the wrong benchmark if your definition of success assumes perfect conditions, ignores significant obstacles, or changes after you’ve already completed the work. A good benchmark is defined before you begin and reflects both the challenge you’re taking on and the conditions you’re working within.
When should you define what success looks like?
The best time to define success is before you begin. Whether you’re starting a new project, stepping into a leadership role, or pursuing a personal goal, deciding what success looks like at the beginning helps you evaluate your performance more honestly at the end.
Can you have high standards without setting impossible expectations?
Absolutely. High standards challenge you to grow. Impossible expectations assume perfect circumstances that rarely exist. The goal isn’t to lower the bar but to define what excellence looks like given the reality of the situation you’re facing, and then hold yourself to that standard.
Looking for more information about leadership development? Be sure to check out: The Ultimate Guide to Leadership Development.
