Darcy Luoma Coaching and Consulting

By

Triggers and defaults and habits, oh my!

by DLCC Coach Sharon Barbour

Understanding triggers

Thoughtfully Fit offers GREAT ways to strengthen our ability to be present, respond instead of react, and treat ourselves with greater kindness.  But just like eating our vegetables, even though we know what’s good for us we will still have Un-Thoughtfully-Fit moments.

You are not alone in this! We all have triggers and habitual ways of reacting to them. You may have practiced these reactions for decades, which can make it hard to behave differently. And any kind of stress will only increase our tendency to default to old habits.

For example, I’ve been a bit stressed lately and yesterday I felt repeatedly triggered by technology problems and deadlines. I was a babbling looney tunes character (think Tazmanian Devil) whenever one or both of my teenagers needed my attention in the midst of it all. Happily, that is not my usual way with them but when I’m super stressed, yikes! I could see myself being a nut and I could surely feel it, but I  just couldn’t change it in the moment. [Read more…]

By

Understanding your impact

I think one of the hardest things about acting in ways that are not especially thoughtful is that it often brings more bad behavior in return. Let’s face it, humans are sensitive beings. We care a lot about how people talk to us, and we are a little too good at getting our feelings hurt. I have bad news – you are probably hurting others without realizing it too! And the way we behave can have a big impact on how people react.

The way you make me feel

A few weeks ago I was working with a client group, and people were taking turns introducing themselves and their projects. One of the people at the table kept interrupting everyone, asking abrasive questions and putting everyone on edge. While I sat there and watched everyone else in the room tense up and stop sharing as freely, this person seemed to have zero awareness of the effect they were having on other people.

Sadly, this is often the case. We are not all that good at seeing how we are affecting people, unless they do something really dramatic in return. More likely, though, is that they will just respond passive aggressively, and before you know it you have a room full of irritated people with their arms crossed.

When you can’t quite rise above

I’ll be honest: I am no stranger to a shame spiral. When someone recently interrupted me at a meeting, saying I was going on too long, I immediately jumped in to my own head. I was embarrassed, and super focused on myself and my feelings. There were two downsides to this; one, I was no longer truly present at the meeting or able to focus on what others were saying, and two, I got on the defensive and brought in my own form of aggression. As you can imagine, this is NOT how we get good work done.

To me one of the greatest powers of being Thoughtfully Fit is that we can help those around us get into a positive behavior spiral. If you approach people and topics with curiosity and calm, then that is how they are likely to respond, which can lead to productive meetings and enjoyable workplaces and dinner tables. But if you show up with harsh energy, then that is what you’re likely to get in return.

Tune in to yourself

My challenge to you this week is to try to tune in to the effect you are having on other people. And if you are sensing that you might be doing something other than spreading joy (ha!) then that’s your cue to pause. Think about how you want the situation to go, and what role you could play in helping it take a positive turn. Then act from that place of new awareness.

And don’t worry! You’re going to screw it up sometimes. But we’ve got you covered – next week we’ll talk about what to do (and what not to do) when your Thoughtfully Fit self does not show up.

 

Ready to make big changes in your life?

Click here for 10 Questions to Help you Find the Right Coach: 

By

Don’t make me adult today

Even though I know how important it is to act like a grown up, sometimes I just can’t! As you might have guessed from my story last week, one of the big things that makes it hard for me to pause and think before acting is being tired. Although I have a very extroverted job, I am actually a real introvert. I love meeting people, engaging, and talking with them, and then I really love going home to my quiet home to regroup. When I do not get enough downtime, things fall apart for me pretty quickly. When that happens, I get short and snippy, and channel my inner snotty 16 year old. (This is especially likely to happen around my parents and sister – sorry guys!) [Read more…]

By

You always hurt the ones you love

Remember when you would pick your kids up at daycare and the teacher would tell you how sweet they were with the other children, and then in the car 15 seconds later they are whining about wanting a snack and pinching each other? People tell you they save their worst for you because they feel safe at home. And although that can just feel like a platitude to get you through toddlerhood, the truth is we often are at our worst with those we love the most.

Given my line of work, I have gotten pretty good at self-managing in professional settings. Even if people say things that push my buttons, I usually have the ability to either cover up how I am really feeling, or get curious and ask questions to help me understand their point of view more fully. But at home? Not so much.  [Read more…]

By

Darcy’s journey to being a Thoughtfully Fit manager

This week I talk a little bit about how I had to change to become a more Thoughtfully Fit manager (spoiler alert: I had to change a lot). It has taken a lot of work to create new habits, but has definitely changed my life – and my management style – for the better. And after reading the posts from my team, I think it’s better for them too!

 

Get Our 4-Part Video Coaching Series for FREE and Reclaim Your Life!

Bring back the joy

Don't miss our weekly Thoughtfully Fit tips!