I was coaching an executive leadership team that got along really well. Maybe too well. Every meeting was polite, efficient, and pleasant. They complimented each other’s ideas and avoided stepping on toes. On paper, it looked like they were doing great. In practice, it felt like everyone was holding their breath.
They were working really hard to keep the peace. But in the process, disagreement started to feel like something to avoid instead of something to explore. Harmony became the goal, and conflict quietly turned into the villain.
The longer we worked together, the more it became clear that the absence of conflict wasn’t a sign of a high-performing team but rather a red flag. Decisions lingered. Conversations looped without resolution. The same frustrations popped up in one-on-one sessions but never in the group. The team was calm on the surface, but under that still water, tension was quietly swirling.
Teams like this don’t fall apart. They stall out. The same issues resurface, the same polite conversations repeat, and everyone leaves meetings a little more drained. They’re not broken; they’re just stuck in a loop that feels safe but goes nowhere. And they’re not alone. Plenty of well-meaning teams live in that polite middle ground where no one wants to rock the boat. Until they are willing to steer into choppier waters, teams stay put: polite, but stuck.
Why Every Team Needs the Storm
Every team moves through the stages of team development—forming, storming, norming, and performing. Most leaders love the first and last ones. Forming is full of optimism and potential. Performing is where things finally click. But storming? That’s the one everyone secretly hopes to skip.
Here’s the truth: you can’t build high-performing teams without passing through the storm. It’s the stage where differences surface, personalities clash, and assumptions get challenged. It’s where people stop saying what’s safe and start saying what’s true.
You Can’t Avoid the Storm
Let me be clear. Every team storms. It cannot be avoided. But how the team navigates their storm determines if they will move to the next phase of team development.
Every team has tension—unspoken frustrations, competing priorities, or different interpretations of what “done” looks like. Pretending the weather’s fine doesn’t make it so. It just keeps the team stuck… and getting rained on.
Here’s what I often see when teams refuse to engage in healthy storming:
- Decision gridlock. Everyone waits for someone else to speak up, so choices stall.
- Polite meetings, tense hallways. The real conversations happen in post-meeting meetings, which don’t move anything forward.
- Invisible frustration. People agree out loud but roll their eyes privately.
- Quiet resentment. Tasks get done, but enthusiasm fades.
- Passive resistance. Deadlines slip, responses slow, and accountability blurs.
- Idea drought. When disagreement feels unsafe, creativity shuts down.
The only way out of the storm is through honest conversation. It takes courage to name what’s uncomfortable and to stay in it long enough to understand each other. That’s the work that turns polite groups into high-performing, Thoughtfully Fit teams.
How to Help a Team Weather the Storm
Leaders often ask, “How do we get through this faster?” But the goal isn’t speed, it’s depth. Here are a few ways to support your team through the messy middle:
- Name what’s happening. Sometimes just saying, “Hey, it feels like we’re storming right now,” is enough to lower the temperature. It normalizes conflict as part of growth.
- Model curiosity instead of control. Instead of trying to fix every disagreement, ask questions that draw out perspective: “Tell me more about why that matters to you.”
- Create safety for truth-telling. People won’t speak honestly if they think it’ll be used against them later. Set ground rules that value candor without blame.
- Celebrate the progress. When a tough conversation finally happens, name it as a win. Growth often looks like discomfort.
This is where people leaders can play a powerful role. You’re not just managing performance. You’re coaching humans through the emotional terrain of working together.
Riding Out the Storm
That leadership team I mentioned? They’re still working on it. The first few times they disagreed, the air got heavy, and no one quite knew how to move forward. But they didn’t back away. They’re practicing and acknowledging that disagreement doesn’t mean disconnection.
Some days it goes well. Some days it doesn’t. But they keep showing up, and that matters more than getting it perfect.
Each storm they move through brings them a little closer to steady ground. The conversations get a bit easier, the trust a bit stronger. New storms still roll in, but they know how to find their footing and weather them together. That’s what real team development looks like.
