I’ve been writing my book, Thoughtfully Fit: Your Training Plan for Life and Business Success, for more than two years (if you count the time it was rolling around in my head, round it up to five). However, over the last few weeks, I’ve been in what my team has affectionately called “book mode.”
Recently, an executive coaching client (let’s call him Bill) shared that meetings with his direct reports weren’t feeling effective, even though he has the courage to say what’s needed. And, he feels confident he’s approaching the conversations with compassion.
“I feel good in the meeting,” he told me. “But afterwards, things seem to fall apart. The actions we agreed to don’t happen, and then I don’t know how to bring it up again. I thought we were on the same page.”
I spoke to a client last week who was overwhelmed at the thought of Thanksgiving this year. She usually hosts family from both sides—with more than thirty people over! But this year, it’s just going to be her partner and two kids.
She has no second thoughts about not having family over. While it’s hard, she knows it’s the best option in a difficult situation. So what’s the problem?
By: Jill Mueller
It’s that time of year again… the annual discussions between families of when and where to spend the holidays. For the last ten years, my husband and I have determined our holiday travel plans with our parents with the same precision necessary to build a house of cards:
The conversations this year have been more stressful because of coronavirus. How do we figure out when to gather for the holidays—or whether to even get together at all? Because, like many families, we all span the spectrum of how well we social distance and how strict we are on wearing masks.
It’s not that big of a deal.
It’s not worth saying anything.
What’ll they think of me if I say something?
These are the thoughts that would run through my head when I had something hard to say. It might’ve been something small, like telling a client I’d rather not go out for sushi (remember the days when we could go out to eat!). Or something bigger, like when a colleague wasn’t listening to me and I felt disrespected.
Rather than clearly state my needs or opinion, these thoughts would take over. Just say you aren’t hungry if you don’t like what’s on the menu. It’s not worth offering an idea when everyone else has already agreed with this plan. He already seems to not like me… what’ll he think if I make a fuss?
So I didn’t say anything. The impact? Frustration and resentment. And lots of time spent thinking about all the things I’d say… if only I had the courage. Can you relate?
