Darcy Luoma Coaching and Consulting

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My Year of Minimalism

 

Happy 2021! One of my favorite things to do at the start of a new year is look back on the last year. As tempting as it might be to quickly turn the page (especially on 2020!), I enjoy finding Stillness to reflect on the previous year and think about the lessons learned.

My intention for 2020 was minimalism. I wanted to reduce the clutter in my house, use products with minimal ingredients, and unsubscribe from anything that didn’t bring me joy. What I didn’t expect was COVID-19 giving me such an opportunity to take a minimalist approach to my schedule and life as well!

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We Never Had To Talk About This Before

I watched “Meet the Press” last weekend, and in one segment they interviewed average Americans about the first presidential debate. One man’s thoughts, “We don’t know how to have a conversation anymore.”

I don’t disagree. There are lots of reasons for this in 2020. Let’s look at a few…

  1. There is polarization. Opinions are strong. Leaders talk over each other. There’s not a lot of listening going on. The desire to be understood is stronger than the desire to understand others or find a resolution. (I admit I’m guilty of this on certain social issues when I disagree with every fiber of my being.) 
  2. This is all new. People are dealing with circumstances they’ve never experienced before. A coaching client recently said work-life balance doesn’t exist anymore—everything’s just blurred together. Another client said they never imagined needing more contact with co-workers because they’re feeling so isolated at home. 
  3. Uncertainty creates fear. Nobody knows when the pandemic will end, the economy will improve, or the outcome of the election. When people operate from a place of fear or anxiety, fuses can be short. Conversations between even the closest colleagues can be strained. And combining fear or anxiety with relationships that are already low on trust? Well, that’s where things can go downhill exponentially fast.

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I See What You Are Doing There

There are so many things I love about my colleague, Jill. 

But one of them is the fact that she gets me. For instance, Jill knows that I like it when my work is recognized. If I’m working hard, I like it when someone else notices it. And without fail, Jill notices. Always. She notices when I go the extra mile. She notices when I work through something challenging. And she recognizes me for a job well done (and I know it’s sincere because she also gives me critical, tough, valuable feedback when I didn’t do so well). 

The impact of this is that I love working with her, and I look forward to our conversations. Her recognition motivates me to want to keep doing good and working hard. And I’m not alone. 

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Two Questions to Add to Your Conversations

“Here’s …. need …. I saved a file in …. take a look and …. It’s important.”

I was so frustrated. It was my daily huddle call with my colleague Jill, and I was barely catching every other word she was saying. I didn’t know if it was my cell phone or hers, but something in our connection was not working.

Jill. You cut out again. Can you repeat that?

Let me move… Can you hear me now?

Yes! Ok. What did you say?

Take… page 5 needs….

UGH!

I stopped her again. I moved. She moved. After a few more “How about now? Can you hear me now?” we finally decided to stop and try again later.

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When Judging Isn’t Helping, Put The Gavel Down


I know I’m not alone when I say that Brené Brown is one of my favorite researchers and authors. One of her stories has been popping up in my head a lot lately.

Brené tells of a time when she was really frustrated by someone and it led to her wondering, “Do you think people are doing the best that they can?” Her husband’s response?

“I don’t know. I really don’t. All I know is that my life is better when I assume that people are doing their best. It keeps me out of judgment and lets me focus on what is, and not what should or could be.”

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