Darcy Luoma Coaching and Consulting

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Coaching is not wine with your bestie

Coaching is not wine with your bestie Blog Post

Although I loooooove coaching, I was reminded recently that a lot of people still don’t really know what coaching IS. So, I am here to help you understand. A lot of times people say to me – aren’t life coaches really just a paid friend? Well, we are paid, and often we’ll feel like a trusted friend, but…NO.

I love drinking wine with my friends, and I love coaching, but believe me when I say they are NOT the same. My friends are amazing, but they definitely don’t question me like my coaches do. They are not there to ask hard questions and help me increase my awareness. And as much as I love them, most of my friends are NOT focused on helping me create an action plan and providing accountability. Let’s face it – friends are for sharing, empathizing, sympathizing, laughing, cheerleading and so many other wonderful things (like happy hour!), but you shouldn’t expect them to be effective coaches.

So you might wonder, what IS coaching then? Well, let me start by telling you more about what it’s NOT. [Read more…]

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The Power of Coaching in the Workplace

Coach's Corner with Ndidi Yaucher (1)

by Ndidi Yaucher, DLCC Coach

Often when we think of “coaching”, it is in the context of personal goals such as career, relationships, finances, health/sports, and even one’s home environment. However, coaching communication skills such as powerful questioning, active listening and direct communication can easily be applied when interacting with employees. For these skills to be effective, the manager must shift expertise from self to the employee and believe that the employee is creative, capable and competent in performing their job.

  • Asking powerful probing questions. Powerful questions evoke exploration, insight, discovery and action. These are open ended questions that start with “what” or “how.” These questions help employees brainstorm ideas and self reflect on areas of strength and work through opportunities for improvement. Asking questions engages employees in decision making and gains their perspectives on issues and challenges. When employees are engaged in their decisions they are also more likely to committed to their actions.
  • Active listening. Active listening is a simple yet important skill that requires the listener to fully concentrate, understand, respond and remember what is being said. It also means listening to body language and other means of non-verbal communication.  Listening shows that opinions are valued, and it gains respect and  trust. Listening positively impacts the quality of the relationship between the manager and employees.
  • Direct communication. Direct communication is the ability to communicate using positive language that is clear, articulate and direct. Direct communication helps establish mutually respectful relationships, which improves employee satisfaction and can boost productivity.

[Read more…]

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Thoughtfully Fit Managers Don’t Solve Problems

Thoughtfully Fit Managers Don't Solve Problems BLOG

One of my favorite things about coaching is that it holds YOU as the expert in your own life. If you want someone to tell you what to do, do NOT hire a coach (not a good one at least!). Because in coaching, the goal is to ask questions, and get you thinking about what you want and how to get there. A coach doesn’t make the decisions for you, but helps you figure out how to make your own decisions. However, when I teach managers how to use coaching skills to empower employees, I often get push back. “Isn’t my job to provide the answers and give advice?” Well, yes….and no.

Do you have ALL the answers?

15 years ago when I started really developing myself as a coach, I realized that the skills I was learning could be used in other parts of my life as well. And while my two daughters don’t always appreciate the value of a nice, powerful question, they do get them talking! I also discovered that I could use my coaching skills in what was then my day job.

As the office director for U.S. Senator Herb Kohl, I supervised a lot of other people, from interns on up. And working in the office of a politician involves solving LOTS of problems. Since I was the director, I used to think solving ALL the problems was my responsibility. So, I had an open door policy, and all day I would get asked ‘what should I do?’ And I would tell them! Who even knows if I was right, but I felt like I was the boss (expert) and should therefore have all the answers.

Let others be the expert

The biggest issue with this approach is that it is exhausting! You spend your day listening to people explain challenges and trying to fix them. But the other problem is that it doesn’t really build the skills and confidence of your employees. When I started to think more like a coach at the office, I realized I had a lot of smart people on my team, many of whom were experts in their own right! And so, rather than continue to give them solutions, I started asking them to find their own.
Three great things happened:

[Read more…]

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How do you want to spend your life?

How do you want to spend your life- BLOG

 

“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.” – Annie Dillard

I recently heard this quote, and while on the surface it seems quite obvious, if you internalize the message it can be very powerful.

How do you want to spend your life?

Do you want to spend it feeling frustrated, out of control, or lacking purpose? I doubt it! But in order to live our hours in a way that sums to a life we can be excited about, we have to make conscious choices about what we are, and perhaps more importantly what we are NOT, doing.

Part of this is about taking control of your schedule. But Thoughtfully Fit also encourages you to take control of your emotions, your behavior, your words and your relationships. In this way, we can spend our hours enjoying deeper connections with those around us, and an environment where conflict is managed in a healthy way. [Read more…]

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Never feed them after midnight!

Take control of your day to take control of your life BLOG

 

Do you remember the 80s movie Gremlins? There were a bunch of rules to help keep these monsters under control, one of which was ‘never EVER feed them after midnight’. As you may recall, someone did and, in typical 80’s movie fashion, havoc ensued. While you might be able to stay sane through a midnight snack, we all have scheduling issues that can make our lives better or worse.

Don’t forget – you can set boundaries

In order to keep havoc to a minimum, know that it’s okay to schedule boundaries. This can help you maintain a schedule that works for YOU, and protect time for the things you love.

I was at a meeting last week and a committee chair was complaining that people were showing up late to a monthly conference call. One woman bravely raised her hand and said ‘The calls are scheduled for 8:30, and that is exactly when I am dropping my daughter off at school. If we could start the call at 8:45 I could always be on time.’ People were happy to accommodate her – and as an added bonus, they actually decided the call could still end at the same time, saving everyone 15 minutes!

Take control of your day to take control of your life

I also worked with an executive coaching client a couple of years ago who said she had a hard time with the fact that her day always seemed to start and end with meetings. She functioned much better throughout the day if she had an hour to get centered and organized at the beginning and end of each day. So she put it on her calendar! She communicated this clearly to her staff that this time was off limits, and in this way she was able to take more control of her day at the office.

In general, being clear with your workplace about when you are and are not available, either in person, via text or email, can really help you create a schedule that works for you. It’s okay to do this at home as well! I tell my girls that when I am working I won’t respond to texts or calls that aren’t an emergency. And since I work from home, there are also clear boundaries and rules for when I am in my home office, most of which center on the idea ‘pretend I’m not here’.

At work you could also schedule office hours, meeting-free days, planned walking breaks, and other things to help you make the most of your days. At home, a lot of our boundaries revolve around limits on technology and consistent routines both morning and night.

You get what you tolerate

Are there boundaries that you could set in your schedule that would make your life work better for YOU? Well, speak up! You are the one who knows what you need, so don’t be afraid to ask for it.

Okay, gotta run. Off to have a midnight snack!

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