Darcy Luoma Coaching and Consulting

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No talking, but do you have time to listen?

Do you have time to listen?

 

The other day, while in an all day training session, I got a text from my daughter (after noticing two missed calls from her) that said ‘Answer my call. PLZ.’ I replied ‘Ok. I am in a session so can’t talk.’ Her reply? ‘Oh ok can u listen?’

Text Screenshot Blog Can you Listen

Now, in her case it was probably that she had an extremely urgent question about missing shoes or potential social engagements that she needed to talk to me about RIGHT NOW, but it occurred to me that so often when we ask someone to talk, what we really need is for them to listen.

Unfortunately, in general we are not very good at listening. We spend a lot of time talking, and thinking about what we might say next, and paying half attention. But the amount of time we spend listening fully to others is pretty small. I train on active listening and have people try to listen to another person’s story while texting. The result for the talker is that they do not feel heard or valued, and usually the result for the listener is that they have NO idea what they just heard. Active listening requires you to devote all of your attention to the person talking, and really try to understand their message. [Read more…]

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Goldilocks and the Three Reference Requests

requesting references, thoughtful, thoughtfully fit

Sometimes the quest for BALANCE – where you balance your wants and needs with those of the other person – is very practical. Case in point: reference requests. You want a good quality recommendation, while the person providing it wants to do it with a reasonable amount of effort (as little as possible, that is!).

Having worked with a good number of people throughout my career, it’s not too surprising that I get a lot of requests to be a reference from people that have worked for me. What I have learned is that all reference requests are NOT created equal. I’ll explain what I mean, and at the end, I’ll give you some tips on how to request a reference in a thoughtful way, that respects the time of others AND increases your chances of getting a strong reference.
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You say potato, I say I don’t cook

personal development, thoughtfully fit, learning, what will you become

I am not a cook. I don’t aspire to be a great cook, I don’t even enjoy watching cooking shows (and I’m shocked to learn there are actually people who do!). I am good enough at preparing nutritious food to keep my kids alive until tomorrow, and I have been blessed with a babysitter who loves meal planning and cooking. Could I learn to cook? Of course, I could! But I don’t want to. However, when there are things I can’t do that are holding me back, I am absolutely willing to put the work in to make it happen. This just isn’t one of them.

This month we’re focusing on ENDURANCE which is the third and final internal practice of Thoughtfully Fit®. Endurance is the idea that we can be different from how we are now if we are willing to work on it. Similar to Dr. Carol Dweck’s idea of a growth mindset, endurance encompasses the ability to change or learn something new in order to overcome obstacles or take that next step in life. [Read more…]

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Choose how you show up now (so you don’t have to apologize later!)

managing emotions, internal strength, thoughtfully fit, life coach

I realize that I talk a lot about not trying to change other people, and focusing on change in yourself instead. Part of this is because I know we don’t have the ability to change others, and the other part is that often when we change our own behavior, the actions and reactions of those around us transform as a result.

This month we’re focusing on STRENGTH which is the second internal component of Thoughtfully Fit®. Strength is all about how you show up. It’s about being strong enough to choose HOW you want to be in a particular situation. When we learn to be more intentional about how we show up, we can have a more positive impact on those around us. By pausing and thinking about HOW you want to be now, you’re less likely to have to apologize for bad behavior later. Let me tell you a story to demonstrate.

I said RELAX!

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How Doing Nothing Changed My Life

stillness, mindfullness, life coaching, thoughtfullyfit

Of all the changes I have made to my life over the past forever, I think creating more stillness and white space in my life has been the most important. Stillness is one of the internal components of Thoughtfully Fit® and really sets the stage for all the other components.

When I try to figure out why it has been so critical, the easy answer is that I am less stressed because I don’t run around like a chicken with my head cut off all the time. And while that is certainly true, stillness also affords me the time to pause and think about what I really want, be intentional about my life, and ponder whatever is rattling around in my head. [Read more…]