I want you to take a moment before you read this. Come back to it later if you need to, because this is important.
I’m wondering where you’ve been playing it safe? And what’s possible if you allow yourself to dream?
I’m reading Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert. (Ironically, I stumbled on it while trying to finish my year of minimalism strong by hauling a few more piles of books to charity.) One of the chapters talks about the brain chemistry of regret. He explains that our brains are wired to expect to feel more regret and disappointment when something doesn’t go according to plan than what we actually experience.
As a result, as humans, we typically regret what we don’t do more than what we do. Think about it. People typically don’t regret trying new things (even if they fail), but they do regret not taking the risk to give it a shot.
For example, I started dating last year (pre-covid). It’d been three years since my divorce, and I decided I was finally ready. One day I was at my favorite coffee shop when a guy caught my eye. I couldn’t ignore the feeling, no matter how hard I tried to focus on my book. After a quick trip to the restroom to scope his left ring finger, I sipped my coffee working up the courage to introduce myself. I hemmed. I hawed. I scribbled my phone number on a napkin. I mentally rehearsed what I’d say.
In the end? I did none of it. I left. And I’ve regretted it ever since.
Clearly it’s been too long since I watched Grumpy Old Men. One of my favorite lines was when Jack Lemmon said to Walter Matthau: “I don’t know one damn thing, but I know this: the only things in this life that you really regret are the risks you didn’t take.”
You Choose Your Regrets
Where have you been holding back because of fear or disappointment? Is 2021 your year to dream big and see what’s possible?
You might be thinking, Darcy! Do you see what’s happening in the world? How can I dream when I can’t even leave my house?
Yes. I see what’s happening. I, too, only venture from my bedroom to kitchen to office and back. I’ve been on exactly zero dates since last March. If you’re in survival mode simply doing your best to get through the day, that’s okay. Just let it be your choice and not an auto-pilot reaction.
It’s not always easy to see what choices you have when it comes to trying something new. An obstacle pops up and shuts you down faster than a global pandemic.
The reality? You always have choices. You choose if fear of disappointment or regret—whether real or perceived—is going to prevent you from having the courage to do what you want. As a matter of fact, focusing on your choices and what you control is the core of being Thoughtfully Fit.
2021 Can Be Your Year—If You Choose It
We don’t know what’ll happen with vaccines or social distancing or political unrest or virtual schooling or remote work. Who knows what might happen in 2021? Our brain is very good at thinking about all of the danger and threats out there.
Regardless of everything going on, you still control whether 2021 is going to be the year you get the obstacles out of your way and go for it—or not.
Is this the year you apply for that job? Earn that certification? Join that team?
Is this the year you write that book? Reconnect with that estranged family member? Take that class?
Is this the year you put yourself first? Your health first? Your career first?
Is this the year you believe in yourself and go for what you want, regardless of what those “play-it-safe” voices in your head might be telling you?
There are no right or wrong choices. The most important thing is to choose. Consciously.
One-Minute Thoughtfully Fit Workout
Here’s a workout to try when you want to override your play-it-safe default. It’s just one-minute, so give it a chance right now. No really—do it.
Pause: Take a breath and turn off any literal or figurative noise that might distract you in the next minute.
Think: Where do I want to jump and take a chance? What dream do I want to go for in 2021? What regret do I not want to have?
Act: Identify one step that’ll get you closer to what you want. And do it! Don’t just think about it. Take the step and see what happens.Playing it safe is usually easy because it’s the path of least resistance. However, the more you practice dreaming and jumping in, the easier it gets. Trust the research that says you’ll regret not taking that step more than taking it. Take a chance, and see if you just might stumble on some happiness this year!
P.S.- Want more ideas on how 2021 can be the year with no regrets?
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