For a while now, you’ve been hearing me talk about pausing, and thinking before acting. And during that thinking, a lot of what I tell you to do is ask yourself questions. I have been coaching for so long, that asking questions – both of myself and others – comes really easily. It’s such a habit that I forget that most of you aren’t used to saying things like ‘what obstacles are getting in the way?’ to your kids or coworkers.
To be honest, asking questions can feel really awkward at first. I bet you would feel the same way about saying ‘what support do you need’ as I feel about the idea of repeating positive mantras into the mirror, or practicing power poses that are supposed to change my life. I get it!
Start small
It’s always a good idea to start small. Run a 5K before a marathon. Learn to make scrambled eggs before attempting a souffle. Here’s the good part about starting small with questions – you are already asking yourself questions all the time! And while it can feel like a long way from ‘What do I want for dinner?’ to ‘what do I want in life?’ it might not be as bad as you think.
For example, the next time someone is driving you crazy at work, instead of focusing on all their bad behaviors, just think ‘what DO I want?’. The emphasis is important here; focus on what behavior you would like to see. You have also made a key shift from frustration to curiosity. And that’s what will get you on a new path!
You might need a little time to figure it out. That’s to be expected. When we start pushing ourselves to answer deeper questions, the answers might not always be obvious. And if you’re like me, the answer to what I want for dinner isn’t always that obvious either!
Be patient
I do not expect you to be able to immediately start asking yourself deep questions and coming up with meaningful answers on the spot. Coaches get a lot of training and need a lot of practice for a reason.
The art of asking questions is hard. But just try! Next time you feel yourself venting, take a pause. Think for a moment, and see if you can’t come up with a question – either for yourself or someone else – that helps you get to the root of the matter. The answers might surprise you!
Good luck practicing. Next week we’ll be providing everyday translations of some of my favorite coaching questions!
