No Talking, but do you Have Time to Listen?

by | Aug 16, 2017

Darcy Luoma is one of America’s most highly credentialed coaches. She’s worked in 48 industries, with more than 500 organizations, and has impacted tens of thousands of leaders and employees.

The other day, while in an all day training session, I got a text from my daughter (after noticing two missed calls from her) that said ‘Answer my call. PLZ.’ I replied ‘Ok. I am in a session so can’t talk.’ Her reply? ‘Oh ok can u listen?’

Now, in her case it was probably that she had an extremely urgent question about missing shoes or potential social engagements that she needed to talk to me about RIGHT NOW, but it occurred to me that so often when we ask someone to talk, what we really need is for them to listen.

Unfortunately, in general we are not very good at listening. We spend a lot of time talking, and thinking about what we might say next, and paying half attention. But the amount of time we spend listening fully to others is pretty small. I train on active listening and have people try to listen to another person’s story while texting. The result for the talker is that they do not feel heard or valued, and usually the result for the listener is that they have NO idea what they just heard. Active listening requires you to devote all of your attention to the person talking, and really try to understand their message.

Listening can make your life easy

Now, here’s something interesting I have discovered through years of careful listening. If you sit there and listen very carefully, get curious, and ask powerful questions, often the person who is talking will talk themselves all the way to a solution! I used to do this with my staff and interns in the senator’s office, and I do it ALL the time with my daughters. Instead of jumping in with suggestions, advice, a related story or anything else, I just sit and listen, and let them do all the work.

Listening is also a huge part of the power of coaching

Coaching requires careful listening, both to what words are being said but also energy, emotion, attitude, and body language. When I am coaching, I use what I am hearing to craft questions to help my clients listen to THEMSELVES, and get to their own truth. And for my clients, part of what they love about coaching is having someone who asks good questions, and really listens to the answers! This is more rare than it needs to be in our daily life, so we can all commit to trying to talk less and listen more.

I encourage you to give the gift of listening to someone in your life today.

Thoughtfully Fit® is a leadership model to help you coach yourself to a life you love.

Darcy Luoma Coaching & Consulting (DLCC) creates high-performing people and teams through coaching, speaking, and consulting. We focus on leadership development, improving communication, and working through conflict in a positive way.

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