We all love to complain about the things that are not right in our lives and relationships. People often come to me for coaching because they are dissatisfied with some area of their life. But what’s interesting is how many of them express that this dissatisfaction is caused by others. That it’s something they can’t change. They need their boss to learn to be more supportive. Their kids to stop whining. Their co-worker to stop wasting their time with stupid questions.
In my decades of coaching and consulting, I have heard a million different versions of “If this person would just change, then I could…”. But what is very telling is that almost NO ONE says, “If I would just change, then I could…”. However, internal change is the only thing over which we have total control! So rather than wishing that everyone else would be different, allow me to suggest that you look inward and think about how YOU could be different.
Focus on you!
I am here to tell you that you have the power to change things. Not to change others, but to change things you have control over. To make your life look more like you want. To improve your relationships and feel a stronger sense of self.
YOU have control over your life. Over what you think. Over how you act and react. My clients consistently see the most powerful results when they stop looking outward (expecting others to change), and they start looking inward. When the only thing that they try to control is themselves. And once they focus on changing themselves, their relationships change, and they realize they had the power all along.
There is no wizard, Dorothy.
Being Internally Thoughtfully Fit®
There are two parts to being Thoughtfully Fit: INTERNAL, which focuses on your relationship with yourself, and EXTERNAL, which focuses on your relationships with others. This month we are focusing on the internal components, which help you take control of your life, and choose how you show up. Internal fitness is made up of three components: Stillness, Strength, and Endurance. Basically it boils down to this:
- Stillness is just what it sounds like – being more mentally still. Giving yourself time to just be. Clearing more space on your calendar. Turning all those dings off your phone.
- Strength is about how you show up. It’s having a strong mind to consciously decide how you want to be, and what energy you want to bring.
- Endurance is about understanding that things can change, but knowing it might take hard work and determination.
We’ll get into how to cultivate these in the coming months, but each of these components can help you learn to be the person that you truly want to be in any given situation. And once you start to embrace the notion that the only thing you can really change is yourself – and YES, that change is possible – you have found the ruby slippers that will get you where you want to be.
My challenge to you today is to think about one thing, big or small, that you would like to change. Now, try to come up with one small step you can take to make that change happen. Will it all be fixed by morning? Nope, but the power in taking that first step is it gets you to the second step, and the third, and so on.
If you are feeling brave, let me know what change you are trying to make, and what first step you are taking on your journey! Leave a comment below – or join us on our Facebook page where we’ll be having some lively discussions – and doing some Facebook Live where I’ll step up and share more.
Stay tuned for next month when we’ll share the external components…and your next challenge.